and that beautiful island far away from tears is in the past and in the sea and that lust of life is fading as i remember why i wanted to leave so badly.as the tears and thoughts come back to haunt me i realize how i had almost given up before i got on a plane and told myself that i could forget everything and that when i came back i wouldn't have to face it anymore. but problems just dont go away and memories dont just disappear. your room where you used to hide is still that same room except more empty now because its been so long. its still filled with the screams and the cries the notes and the letters the phone calls you couldn't resist and the wonderful days you sat there on your bed with a smile on your face because you couldn't help it. its all still there and no matter how hard you try to get away you cant escape it you have to create the change by yourself you cant runaway every time you have the opportunity. and if the problem takes more than a simple fixing and if its more complex than that then well im sorry baby but youll have to learn to live for your your broken heart and teared up head and your tearing eyes and that make up that wont seem to stay water proof and those dirty clothes you refuse to clean you will have to live for those those things that remain constant. and you, you can talk to your walls you can scream to your pillows you can fight with the light and the walls wont tell the pillows wont fight and the light wont dim without command. you will live with those memories because yes love, it is too hard to deal with sometimes and you just have to realize one day that your sanity your happiness your being is above all important no matter what anyone tells you. those repeating songs that play constantly in your screaming mind and those people who always want answers from you when you dont even have answers for yourself. those rings on your fingers serve no purpose but to flash and blind to maybe take the focus away from your bleeding body this one time when they will look at them and for that one moment think you are lucky and believe it. that live strong bracelet on your left arm, yes, will not cure cancer it will just sit there as a cliche of what someone told you would help the sick, the dying the sad, and you believed them because youre so desperate to help, that friendship bracelet wont last a week when you realize that its frayed. the perfect smile on the well tailored face will last for hours and will show you whatever you want to feel until it hits that you are not ok and that the smile is no more than an illusion taht most use as a comfort. so touch your toes and then touch the sky and realize the strength you have so lose control.
i want to be loved
i will never trust anyone again
i cant because look what youve done, youve changed me, youve scared me, youve hurt me, youve made me not believe,
i am a different person
no one knows the real me
and they DONT know how i feel so please please dont pretend you know, because if you know me so well than havnt you realized im not ok?
well im not ok and im not getting better and i will go on talking to my walls and wish
if only wishing could get you on the road to happiness if only the pillows i hug every night were you.