before you left i bathed in uncertainty. i walked toward fear. i cuddled with pain. since you have been gone, for almost 5 weeks now. i have felt closer to you than i ever did before. And you say you’ve changed. So, in anticipation, i have began to build a life with myself, with my home, with my imagination of you as a changed man. But I fear most of all that when you return, this life will no longer exist the way it has for these 5 weeks. of cuddling with love letters, bathing in hope, and walking toward peace.