when i try

when i try to love again,
its all shaking hands and short breaths,
questioning motives and trying to remember what life was like before you
before paranoia and fear, before i was a a puppet in your show. 
i try to remember how to be only me. a thing most  people only have to wake up to be. 
when i try to date again,
its all questions and truths, So afraid of lies i forget my own mystery. 
i can only speak with my body, you taught me it was my strongest asset.
Only one reason you liked my mouth open, 
when my heart breaks again,
i slowly realize my mistakes belong to you. 
i learn through tears and confusion that i don’t know who i am. 
the pivotal years when i became me, i hardly noticed because all i thought about was what i was to you.