I think it is important to admit my progress
i am so much stronger today than yesterday and the weeks and months before this
People question whether medications make you more yourself or someone else
and i know for certain, for the showers i am able to take, for the alcohol i am starting to give up, for the weed and for the man who made me want to change
i know it was me who got me here
but i wanted to get better and be able to live and enjoy what i had with him
it is still hard, and I still cannot leave my house at night or weekends
but its getting better. and i no longer want to sleep all day and dissapear
it is scary and i feel like i am losing an important part of myself
but i know this is progress
it will take time to adjust
mortality is becoming more real
and as i get better i worry more about getting hurt or sick or missing anymore of my life
2 and a half years i will never get back
i have no regrets though
because in this time i learned more about myself than i ever would have
i am glad i made it through. i am thankful for help and doctors
i didnt lean on anyone to get here
i did this myself, i went and sought help
i was honest with my doctors for the first time in my life
and after the shock, they knew the enormity of my depression
i didnt even realize how bad i had been until 2 months after medication.
for 2 months i saw the doc every week,
and then for the next 2 months i saw him every 2 weeks
my last appointment with him, last week, he cleared me for the monthly appointments
progress
a light
a light im trying to protect and spending a little to much time trying to keep lit
but a light none the less
the medication makes me more myself