A rant after being a seventh wheel for new years eve, and a way to say no to online dating:

I don’t want to just be with someone. I want to feel them, inexplicably attack them with hugs. and be attacked with love.
Be pulled up to dance and listen to our music. To watch your favorite movies, and i want you to watch mine. To do things together with a purpose and not just waste time together never knowing why or where we are going.
I want to be loved passionately. Someone who wants to show me both sides to the world, the small things, the things that you don’t think anyone but me would understand, in the way that you never thought to share with someone before. I dont want you to brag, i want you to tell me stories about times you were weak. about how you learned to be strong. Because those are my most important stories too. Anyone can be boastful. You will be special. Unlike anyone else.  I don’t want to get to know you on paper I want to get to know you at 3am when your eyes are heavy and your voice gets low. This is how I’ll know im safe, because ill be your safe place too. Past the hours of sense or reason but because we dont need one.   when you’re with me you’re all there. Nowhere else.
And it’s all these small ways you show me that the other part of your soul you found in me.  If something is scaring you or making you mad I want you to run to me. I want to be your souls counterpart. We have lived our lives till now as our own , we've made all the mistakes, we found each other as individual people ready to share who we are with one another indefinitely. the good and the bad. I want to be your cellar in a storm, your partner in chaos,  and the party in your celebration.
I want a partner in passionate life and someone who sees me for who I am and isn’t concerned about why I am this way but instead is able to hold me tight when I’m about to run away or calm me down when I want to fight. I want you to be my strength when I feel weak so I don’t have to worry about being alone.
I want there to be madness and sweat and tears and above all love. because its messy as fuck but its ours and we cant fucking get enough.