Today was about ending the search for the forest, and enjoying the trees around me instead.

I got my fourth tattoo tonight.

I learn a lot about myself during these times. during every time the needle paints my skin. i keep falling in lust with people and then searching for parts of me within them. i need to instead only fall in lust with people who i truly share interests with. Not find commonalities. This is settling. And i think i have spent the last couple years telling people almost everything about myself, even little things such as vague details about college like how thaat man got shot on my drive way or a generic but still detailed description of “count them three”. When i give this information away so easily I’m doing just that, giving it away. to people who don’t have a place for it and who don’t intend on keeping it safe. i give parts of myself away every time i share. And it is this that becomes all too much and not enough at the same time. I find myself feeling like people know me so well when in fact i am doing all the talking without ever really knowing if anyone is listening. I try so hard to be interesting with these little facts that i become so basic. so normal. so boring and typical. When really, i am anything but boring or basic or normal. I am so beyond all of those things. i am incredibly unique and my reasons for doing things are worthy of story telling. my movements are curious and my sarcasm is contagious. my stories of my past are hard to believe and dare i say impressively overcome. all of this i belittle to small comments or even drawn out rambles about myself that really make my life seem to be confusing and dramatic and just, a mess or even worse, normal.