it took me a week to really cry. to really understand what had happened. that you had never loved me, never valued me. only desired me. only fooled me. for a year you had me wrapped around your finger, as i often find people do. and though breaking up was not a surprise and losing you does not feel like a battle i can’t handle….realizing you never cared and never loved me is something that will bruise me and stain my lips for years to come. Right now i am terrified of everyones secrets,  but mostly I am terrified of me and mine.

And the tragic way you let me fight for us, when you had no intention of ever loving me.